Dance For Mom, Live For Eleni

After that of course I put an end to chemo. And we ended up going to Italy anyway, but 45 days after we were supposed to and with one round of chemo in her, so the percentages now go way down. At this point one of mom’s good friends who is a doctor and was guiding them didn’t appreciate me stopping her chemo and giving her natural treatment, and he would make a few snide remarks every now and then, but I really didn’t give a shit. Things were going great with all the treatments I was giving her, but I was only able to do it for about a month before the body started giving out. The no eating and constant vomiting made it difficult to keep anything inside her.

I won’t go into more day-to-day stuff because it’s just too hurtful to relive so I’ll just fast-forward to mom’s funeral.
At the funeral, the first person to give a eulogy was that one doctor that I kind of butted heads with. I wasn’t too happy but I let go. His eulogy was very thoughtful and very sincere. He spoke highly about mom and how important she was to the community and how she was the soul of the community. And throughout the eulogy he kept breaking up and crying. So, so far so good. I was okay with it. But then near the end he opened up his fucking trap and out of nowhere started spewing words about modern medicine advancements and how we should follow the doctor’s protocols and not veer away from them.

My jaw clenched up. My fists were ready to go to battle. I was one second away from going off on him in the worst of ways inside the church. To this day it’s one of my biggest regrets. The only reason I didn’t do it, is because it caught me off guard since he was saying all nice things about mom, then it took a couple seconds to register, “is he saying what I think he’s saying”. And at the same time a dear friend of moms and mine saw that I was about to lose it, so from behind me she reached out and just stroked my forearm. And next thing I know he was off the mic. I was pissed the entire day. Still pissed today and not sleeping at all because I keep reliving that funeral for those words. It dawned on me afterwards that he was saying those words just to kind of poke at me for stopping the chemo and taking the natural route. Regardless, the eulogy is no place for you to promote your bullshit values and beliefs.

I don’t have any animosity towards this person. Everyone says that he’s a really really nice person. I get it, I can see it. I know he’s a good person, his wife is an absolute sweetheart. But remember one thing, you don’t have to be a bad person to make a wrong choice or decision. And his decision to not tell mom the truth back in January is unacceptable and something I’ll never forgive. He even had the nerve to continually bad mouth the natural doctors (unacceptable).

Note to all doctors. I know some of you have a God complex. You need to take that God complex and shove it up your ass. I hate to break it to you but God doesn’t take money to perform a service or miracle. Bottom line is, you’re an employee and the patient is your employer. Let’s be very clear about something, I don’t have anything against doctors. Tons of friends and family who are doctors and in the medical field. I have the utmost respect. Yeah, I may have piled it on a little hard earlier in this paragraph, but I also have to vent, don’t forget.

Bottom line is this. Whether you believe in modern medicine or natural outlets, you do not have the right to lie (withhold the truth) to your patients. You also don’t have the right to bad mouth other doctors or treatments that the patient might be exploring. And for the most part I know that doctors tell you the truth regardless of how hard it is to hear it.

In mom’s case, that Dr. had no right to sugarcoat her condition, and her treatment. You all forget that every patient has that other option. The one where they do nothing. If someone has six months to live and you’re offering a 1- 2% chance of success if they do a specific treatment, but that treatment will completely destroy their immune system and take away all their energy, they might just decide to do nothing and spend the last six months seeing friends and family.

So mom could have easily declined treatment (chemo). Taken a flight back to the states to see her granddaughter, daughter, and other friends and family. And just said, “in six months if it’s my time to go then it’s my time to go”. . . But you stole that choice from her. You stole the last 6 months of her life.

I will always hold myself responsible for not forcing them to tell her the truth back in February and that’s something I have to live with for the rest of my life.

I think George’s lyrics say it best for what mom went through:

“I don't know why nobody told you
I don't know how someone controlled you
I don't know why you were diverted
I don't know how you were inverted
No one alerted you”

And even though his guitar gently weeps
My heart will aggressively weep!